My Dumbphone May Be A Smartphone After All

After many months of calling my supposed “smart”phone a dumbphone, I have finally decided to cease dissing it. Though it constantly does make this editor look dumb, it has also introduced me to hilarious new phrases with its misuse of words. My favorites so far:


Therefore, “hibernation season,” my name for January-April, which I’ve had to cite in many a text, became “liberation season.”  This proved to be especially poignant when my older bro was laid off last week and wrote “I am liberated” as the status on his facebook wall (not knowing anything about my phone joke). Also, since I did not adhere to my regular hibernating agenda save one weekend this season, and then in addition gave in to my every whim on the fly (impulse purchases, skipping the gym, spontaneous trips, eating whatever, among a few other erratic behavioral moves completely uncharacteristic of me), it just has become trés apropos.

kickball=kickback Pretending to start a new team & start a rivalry since the boys were being lame—this just did not work out.

hang out=gang out This is just brilliant. Will use this replacement in my everyday vernacular.

groupon=grouping Always confuses the issue.

stunning=winning With the rise of Charlie Sheenisms, Stunning Vermont became Winning Vermont as the name of a photo album. Much improved.

love=live you should live what you love, so this one sometimes works.

Urban Outfitters=Urban Outfitted The city suits me.

I=U or U=I > I still don’t get this one, especially since I type out the word “you.” Anyhow, this switch causes your friend to hate you, because you are either ordering her to do something or taking credit for her work.

Tues=Ties There must be some context in which this is funny. Anyone?

Messaged me= Massaged me Quite one of the best! Texting a friend about a boy, I said messaged, phone said massaged. This still cracks my ribs with laughs.

Bouncer=Bounced A noun, a verb… completely different meanings.

fiending=friended Well that was awkward 🙂

Post your best dumbphone moments in the comments section.

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