True Italians are not from New Jersey TV shows, or grew up on Long Island or Brooklyn (i.e., have no manners, have those HIDEOUS accents, and look as trashy as they sound). Stereotypes are useful, but they misrepresent real Italians, as in those from Italy.

Let’s go to real Italy: Italian proper. You probably know at least one person who is actually from there. Go you. And if you know, you know, so no need for further reading.

Real Italians are far from their American representations. Real Italians are quite educated, sexually liberated, and speak beautifully accented English. I’ll also use this space to distinguish that there is quite a difference between northern and southern Italy. Sicilians are the equivalent of New Jersians—in the worst sense of the stereotype that is overly played out, and yet does not represent Italy nor New Jersey, just a small portion of their populations. In other words, the people often depicted are the exception, not the rule.

I had an Italian lover a few years back, and I was pleasantly surprised that having only lived six months in New York and working a very intense job, he had explored more here than people who’ve lived in the city their entire lives. I am not talking about the tourist sh**. I don’t write for amateurs.

I’m talking about knowing the underground scene in every really cool thing better than my best native Manhattanite resources.

I wanted to move to Rome this June, and I’m upset that ill-educated, unappreciative, non-Italians get to do it for sh**s and giggles—oh, and get paid!—and they are terrible representations of Italian Americans, if they even are.