With that said, I am optimistic about 2013. It could just be that 13 is my lucky number and it’s my last year of my twenties. (There, I said it.) Or it could be that odd years have been immensely better for me than even years. Call me superstitious.
Earlier this winter, I was at a friend’s new apartment. I originally thought, knowing him and his girlfriend, that it was their we-are-growing-up-and-will-get-engaged-soon place. It is gorgeous, and I hope it is their happily-ever-after starting spot, but—they also have a roommate. Their roommate is a lovely and fabulous guy and they all get along really well, but I started to wonder, what does it feel like to be the third? And does it matter what sex each of the roommates are? Three can be company or three can be a crowd. I lived with three for my first few years in this city.
I’ve had both good and questionable experiences. Three girls (and me having a boyfriend while they were single); two girls and a boy (they were siblings, which meant sometimes I had to be mediator); another three girls (all of us single and scandalous). Now, I live in a new 2-bedroom apartment that I moved to with my friend who sadly had to move to Massachusetts for her medical career. The three issue still comes up though, because my new roommate is a boy and we are both in relationships. He’s a great roommate (I’ve lived with roommates since I was 14 and am friends for life with most), yet this whole three-thing got me thinking about a new dynamic.
My male roommate has a lovely gf, and I have a bf, and sometimes, we’re all in the humble abode. I think we get along pretty well, and there hasn’t been a real issue with the bathroom or TV or kitchen on the rare occasion that all four of us are here.
But when three of us are here, it seems a crowd, because one of us is the third wheel. In a 2-bedroom apartment, three can still be weird, only because it (usually) means one of us is with our partner and one is not. Perhaps just I feel that way. What bothers me about it is that I get a little jealous seeing other people be cute together. Even watching TV, right now, seeing people kiss makes me wish my boyfriend/best friend was here.
I want to know: Have you ever lived with two other roommates? Were they all the same sex or one of a different sex? What was the dynamic like—two of you in a relationship with each other, all of you in outside relationships, all of you single, two of you ending up in a relationship after living together, or two of you allying as friends and alienating the third (or were you the alienated third)? Or, is one of them gay and does that help or hinder your friendship and living situation? I think three’s a crowd in most situations, because two are always going to be closer than all three of you. Just a hunch, but tell me otherwise in the comments section. Curious to hear about your thoughts and experiences! What makes an ideal roommate or roommates?
My friends have pointed out many a time that I’m attracted to “nerdy” guys, and by that they mean socially awkward or shy guys. I’ve dated across the spectrum, but upon inspection of relationships, a.k.a., boys who were called boyfriend, I’m fifty-fifty when it comes to cool and nerdy by those limiting black-and-white definitions that seem like ancient high school ideas to my now-enlightened generation.
The term “nerd,” for these purposes, stands for a socially awkward person, not a highly intellectual person, because almost everyone in my high school and college was a great thinker and well-read and questioned everything, bringing new angles to educational blahs every day. This term strictly stands for people who are hermits or simply just uncomfortable in crowds, have few friends, or are painfully shy in any given day’s environment.
I have always had a soft spot in my heart for these pretty, untapped souls, and perhaps I am drawn to them because I am almost opposite—while not a complete social butterfly, I talk way too much, I’m involved with people and my community, and I love making new friends.
I was lucky enough to learn (after a crazy first two years of high school) that you should just be friends with everyone you want to be friends with, no matter if they’re, say, the Table 9-ers or the sketchballs, or the phony-ish overachievers or even, the saddest folks, the social climbers. I gave everyone an equal chance and therefore have a very eclectic group of friends whom I admire and trust, from all walks of life. I’d hope that most of my classmates are less label-ish as grown-ups too, but that deems an entirely new post.
Short story long, these lovely men that I dated or hooked up with, while awkward, are all now married or engaged to really gorgeous women who completely love them for who they are. This is not because of money or prestige; this is a group of misunderstood—and therefore sometimes hard to deal with—eccentric men.
In my own experience, these guys are the best givers in bed and out, and the easiest to drag along as an accessory because they don’t have plans of their own. The only hard thing is bringing their lovely selves out for other people, because they are insecure or socially challenged. It’s simply a matter of extroverts instilling a little confidence in our introverts to pull them out of their shells for them to ultimately become their best selves to others. In any given relationship, bringing out the best in each other is a mark of success.
I am happy those “nerds” are finally winning after all of the grief they suffered from the mean girls and boys in high school and college.
*Disclaimer: My current boyfriend was never labeled a “nerd” but has some of the same great qualities that attracted me to all of those guys, plus many, many more. Before pigeonholing people you meet, consider the sum of a person and give friendship (or more) a chance. Expanding your social circle helps you expand your mind.
You should constantly update your playlist (whether it’s men or music). As I do every month, I’m sharing the beats racing my laces at the moment. Right now, it’s chill for chill paces in the chilly weather. Tenth installment:
Just Do It 10 2012
“Representin’” ♦ Ludacris feat. Kelly Rowland
“How We Do” ♦ Hardwell & Showtek
“Sweet Nothing” ♦ Calvin Harris feat. Florence Welch
“My Life” ♦ 50 Cent feat. Eminem and Adam Levine
“How” ♦ Regina Spektor
“Battle Scars” ♦ Lupe Fiasco
“The Boys” ♦ Nicki Minaj
“Push” ♦ Matchbox 20
“Like Smoke” ♦ Amy Winehouse feat. Nas
“Think Like A Man” ♦ Jennifer Hudson feat. Ne-Yo and Rick Ross
“Make A Beast of Myself” ♦ Twin Atlantic
“Skyfall” ♦ Adele
“Ice” ♦ Kelly Rowland feat. Lil’ Wayne
Click the numbers below for my previous playlists: