My friends have pointed out many a time that I’m attracted to “nerdy” guys, and by that they mean socially awkward or shy guys. I’ve dated across the spectrum, but upon inspection of relationships, a.k.a., boys who were called boyfriend, I’m fifty-fifty when it comes to cool and nerdy by those limiting black-and-white definitions that seem like ancient high school ideas to my now-enlightened generation.
The term “nerd,” for these purposes, stands for a socially awkward person, not a highly intellectual person, because almost everyone in my high school and college was a great thinker and well-read and questioned everything, bringing new angles to educational blahs every day. This term strictly stands for people who are hermits or simply just uncomfortable in crowds, have few friends, or are painfully shy in any given day’s environment.
I have always had a soft spot in my heart for these pretty, untapped souls, and perhaps I am drawn to them because I am almost opposite—while not a complete social butterfly, I talk way too much, I’m involved with people and my community, and I love making new friends.
I was lucky enough to learn (after a crazy first two years of high school) that you should just be friends with everyone you want to be friends with, no matter if they’re, say, the Table 9-ers or the sketchballs, or the phony-ish overachievers or even, the saddest folks, the social climbers. I gave everyone an equal chance and therefore have a very eclectic group of friends whom I admire and trust, from all walks of life. I’d hope that most of my classmates are less label-ish as grown-ups too, but that deems an entirely new post.
Short story long, these lovely men that I dated or hooked up with, while awkward, are all now married or engaged to really gorgeous women who completely love them for who they are. This is not because of money or prestige; this is a group of misunderstood—and therefore sometimes hard to deal with—eccentric men.
In my own experience, these guys are the best givers in bed and out, and the easiest to drag along as an accessory because they don’t have plans of their own. The only hard thing is bringing their lovely selves out for other people, because they are insecure or socially challenged. It’s simply a matter of extroverts instilling a little confidence in our introverts to pull them out of their shells for them to ultimately become their best selves to others. In any given relationship, bringing out the best in each other is a mark of success.
I am happy those “nerds” are finally winning after all of the grief they suffered from the mean girls and boys in high school and college.
*Disclaimer: My current boyfriend was never labeled a “nerd” but has some of the same great qualities that attracted me to all of those guys, plus many, many more. Before pigeonholing people you meet, consider the sum of a person and give friendship (or more) a chance. Expanding your social circle helps you expand your mind.