Weddings & Exes


It’s wedding season, and it’s high time we go over some etiquette.

You shared friends and fun and life together in college. You are now both invited to your good friends’ wedding (also college sweethearts). The problem is—the two of you have broken up.

When you have the same group of friends, and the breakup is recent, is it right to bring your new flame to the wedding? The answer can vary from case to case, but if you had a long-term invested (as in, you lived together, shared a pet, had kids, or had a starter marriage and quick divorce) relationship, tread softly. It’s one thing if that was years ago and you’ve both moved on, but when it’s still lingering and one of you has clearly not yet moved on, you are looking for trouble.

You both get invitations to the wedding with a “plus 1,” yet one of you does not yet have a plus 1 and is still grieving over the relationship. S/he wants to be at the wedding, but doesn’t want to have to face the ex with the replacement flame. My advice is if you are both equally friends with the bride and groom, yet the breakup is recent, for the sake of all, Do not bring your new lover.

If you and your ex are not equally friends with the bride and groom, then the situation works like this: If the better (more long-term) friend is the one that moved on, fair game to bring the new person. However, if the better friend is the heart-broken one, spare him or her so they can have fun with their friends. They should be able to attend without you—the person who only knows these people through him/her—bringing the new fling into the mix. Be the bigger person and don’t bring the “replacement,” a reminder of what could have been.

Plus, no one at the party wants to see your new person anyway, because they are friends with your ex. Awkward and uncomfortable for all.

Get some manners, people. Yes, we fall out of love. But there is still such a thing as being tactful, especially when you broke the heart of the bride’s best friend.

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