We Must Always Have A Conflict With At Least One Person


Otherwise, the world would not go round. For shame!

I used to think it was only certain people: people that needed to have conflict in their lives to give it meaning or simply to have something to talk about. I was convinced my mother must always be mad at one of us four kids or one of her four sisters to survive. Someone always had to be doing something wrong. I felt the same about a former roommate—if you are one of my 13 former roommates, don’t worry, I’ve loved you all and it’s probably not you if you’re reading this—and several friends’ attitudes toward others. I thought it was a coping mechanism to deflect something these people didn’t want to deal with inside themselves, as it was unjustified anger more often than not.

Yet, I’ve found this dark side of myself lately where I like being mad at someone for no truly terrible reason. It feels so good to be angry. There’s some comforting release about having a (living) voodoo doll or several to blame everything on. I’ve been angry at people for real things, but now I find myself wanting to be, something I’ve only seen in so many others who like to stir the pot, and I kind of like it. There is something to be said for the passionate energy that comes from being mad. It makes me feel unusually badass knowing I’ve ruffled someone’s feathers and walked away.

I am starting to understand the thrill of it, not just the displaced anger part. People get their highs in different ways; I never understood this one until now. There is so much material, creatively, when you come from a place of anger. It can be productively advantageous. Also, more to banter about with your friends. It’s like I see clearly now, on the crack of madness. It is motivating, dramatic (we are alive!), and freeing. It is a scary thing. The feeling…and for all involved.


Emotional Cheating

Magic eye

Cheating (relationship-wise) most often involves having sex with someone other than your significant other and is usually just physical for the cheater (sorry, cheatee).

But there is another type of cheating that is not physical (at least, not yet) that can somehow be more damaging to your relationship: Emotional Cheating. It’s there—an attraction, something—but not acted upon because of rational thoughts, and yet perhaps because it is not acted upon, it can ironically lead to something more major than the mistress enticing your husband. It causes the break-up or divorce.

Say your partner slips up and f’s someone else one time. It’s purely physical, and it’s over. Fling partners usually don’t win, even if they do temporarily. Cheaters like the thrill of what they can’t have, and once they are free to have it, that sizzle can fade. Now, imagine your lover falls in love with someone else, without exactly acting on it—at least not until it ends up unraveling your relationship.

The person you were in love with is convinced that he or she was meant to be with someone else, this new exciting person that they are drawn to because of sexual chemistry/crazy attraction, similar interests, or proximity as innocent as running in the same circles or around the same office. Watch out.

What if this is you? Even if you never act on your feelings, they can damage your current relationship. Yes, sometimes you are dissatisfied with what you have. But sometimes, you are fairly content and solid, and then damn, someone comes along that is just so completely awesome and promising and more your speed. You totally click and you feel completely like yourself and at ease with that other person.

You start questioning your own relationship. When you find someone you like more, and especially because he’s off-limits, you start finding more and more flaws in your man and think about the potential happiness you may be missing out on.

Sex can be just sex. You needed it. Strong attraction though, before any sex gets in the way, can cause far more damage, and even more when sex does get in the way. Emotional cheating is the worst kind of cheating there is.

The sex-cheat can be the kid-in-the-candy-shop thing. The emotional cheat means your partner is connecting on a different, deeper level with someone else.

I wonder if the emotional cheat is harder on females than the sex cheat, and if the sex cheat is harder on males than the emotional cheat because of the way we are differently wired, but that deems an entirely new post.

Let me know your thoughts.

P.S. My personal experience with this is here.

Just Do It #8 2013

You should constantly update your playlist (running or otherwise), as the familiar does nothing for your self-improvement. These pop beats are getting me back into running-girl mode. The list consists of only 12 songs, so if you’re training for longer runs and need more music, my add-on strategy is to listen to albums meant to be played from start to finish. Think Led Zeppelin, God Street Wine, Jimi Hendrix—or even an entire opera.

Just Do It #8 2013

“Such Great Heights” ♦ The Postal Service
“Slow Down” ♦ Selena Gomez
“Off That” ♦ Jay Z feat. Drake
“Counting Stars” ♦ One Republic
“It’s My Party” ♦ Jessie J.
“Pass Me By” ♦ R5
“Gone, Gone, Gone” ♦ Phillip Phillips
“Elastic Heart” ♦ Sia
“True Love” ♦ Pink
“True Love Way” ♦ Kings of Leon
“Royals” ♦ Lorde
“Gaite Parisienne: Barcarolle” ♦ New York Philharmonic version


Click below to see previous playlists…  All playlists are linked below.

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