25 Signs You’re Not Ready To Settle Down

delayed adulthood

After reading a very poorly executed article my brother shared on “the book,” I decided to take the concept and create a better list. I kept a few tidbits, but essentially rewrote the entire thing.

I present to you the G version of “25 Signs You’re Not Ready To Settle Down”:

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Atypical Day is actually A Typical Day

I’m not sure how crazy everyone else’s daily mornings/weekday commutes play out, but mine are full of variety: always changing and ever-entertaining. This was one fun morning on a Spring-ish day this month:

All in before a day’s work:

♠ Run upon rising. “Lace-up and do it” is my mantra half-asleep.

♠ Visit pantyman, a.k.a. the guy who does my laundry. I have a complex about him washing my delicate things. Although he’s very polite, I always feel like we’re having an awkward conversation.

♠ Wait for the bus on the block; chat with a girl who, as it turns out, lives in my building. I barely ever see/hear anyone in my building. Do people really live there, or just dwell one or two nights a week?

♠ The man who decides to sit next to me on said bus starts talking to me while I’m iPodded and reading the Bible. “Is that really true about men?” he leans over and asks. “Yes,” I say. Cosmo is Omniscient.

♠ Arrive in city promptly. Check out a lot of window displays. What should I purchase next? I need some more brights to counteract all of this city’s black. People need to tropicalize their wardrobes here, especially now. Where is the color?!

♠ Man I pass by: “Gorgeous. Now I know there is a God. Bless you.” Thanks?

♠ Get accosted by a man and woman in the street who want breakfast. The man is rambling on about how they are hungry and she is pregnant. Please keep it brief; this is New York. They want me to walk into the deli with them and buy the food so I know my money is not for drugs or liquor. I’m starting to run late. I don’t give an F if they spend it on whatever they want. We all need to survive; street-smart ones figure out how to acquire. I give them the cash I have and save a few dollars so I can buy myself breakfast at my preferred spot. (No time for two stops after that speech! Running late.)

♠ I run to the toast man and place my order. I get lost in the conversation of this other patron who knew someone else there. “Where have you been?” “Didn’t you know? I just got out of jail.” The conversation had been in Spanish up until this point. Way to solicit your skeletons in the closet, buddy. Then, “Beautiful, (snap, snap). Helloooo, pay attention. Your toast is ready.” “Sorry! Thank you! Bye!” Don’t walk, run. (I think the patron who’d been in jail had been locked up for battering his wife. I’ve recently developed this permanent fear of men after watching a Lifetime movie based on a true story, so much so that I have had to sleep with the lights on some nights.)

♠ Jet out of there and into my office in a jiffy.

This is going to be SUCH a great day. Cannot help but love my morning adventures!



I think when you embrace your quirks and really own them, you come into your own. I’ve recently spent time with some younger dolls who were always a bit socially awkward and not fully embracing the qualities that they had to bring to the table. Lack of self-confidence is natural when you’re a baby and feel out of place. You think you have to adapt to some mold.

But as you get older, you can choose the life you want to lead, and as I’ve said before and will say again, “You’ve got you, you’ve got one life, and you best be living it for you.” Anyone a bit or much older (well, those who are not ignorant, because there are plenty of those tragic, stuck souls) will tell you that once you do, you’ll be happier.

I’m so happy to see some of my shy friends blossoming, having the confidence to be authentic to themselves. I always felt weird about being me—not looking perfect all of the time, not always saying the right thing, not being comfortable with my true self because it totally does not fit in with the society I grew up in—but that was me, that was and is who I am. My best friends, crazy-big family, and people I associate with on a daily basis through work and business think my individuality is rad, and that’s pretty cool.

It doesn’t matter that I wasn’t awesome at soccer, basketball, field hockey or lacrosse. I wasn’t the best violinist, best singer, best ballerina or the best leader in every power position I was appointed to from elementary school throughout college and beyond. I’m a terrible driver (of cars, not boats). I’m dreadful at winter sports, not amazing at horseback riding, and have yet to surf, bungee jump or skydive (too scared). I wasn’t the best actress or editor despite my successful careers in both. None of this ish has mattered in the long run. It’s not important to be the best or greatest at something—it’s important to be happy and do things that make you happy and surround yourself with people that make you happy.

I wish I could say to my younger self: “Spend less time worrying about what others ‘may’ (and probably don’t, or if they do, they must have pathetic lives) think about you and more time being yourself and enjoying life.” It’s short; don’t waste it on stuff that drains your soul and ultimately serves no purpose but demise.

New experiences with my fave people or those from different walks of life challenge and fulfill me, even the endeavors I’m afraid to undertake or have failed at in the past. I’ll go in with a positive attitude and will probably have fun.

The main point that I’ve veered from (another bad habit of mine) is that PEOPLE LOVE YOU FOR YOU. Not just your family or best friends, but so many marvelous beings, acquaintances, and those strangers you have yet to meet. This world is such a big place; please never feel confined by your environment.

Loving Getting Doing


How to have amazing sex:

♥ Arrive at his house in a satin skirt, stilettos, rhinestone heels, a silk top, and La Perla bra before he gets home from work.

♥ Enter living room when lover/boyfriend/husband arrives. Say hi but otherwise ignore him.

♥ Prepare for fingers, hands, mouth action.

♥ Get stripped and taken more advantage of.