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The Stroller Mafia

Posted on: March 5, 2017

mod-11414-moms

No offense to moms with babies and toddlers, but seriously, I think you are going to kill me.

I used to be more afraid of NYC bicycles than NYC taxis. Now I’ve realized that I have a whole new monster (momster?) to deal with: aggressive strollers.

While I had transported way before the crowd to Jersey City, and way before the intro of supersized suburban strollers and increasingly aggressive hyper moms, I now have to be afraid—very, very afraid.

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A typical encounter: The sidewalk is about 12 feet wide and I see you with a stroller of two and your friend with maybe one tot in the stroller and one on the hip and you have your dog and you still both manage to sip coffee and look at each other while walking. I am approaching, but cannot get around you without going into the street and facing oncoming traffic.

And I don’t want to interrupt your flow; that’s just rude.

It could be said this behavior is quite similar to people in text mode mindlessly walking down the street fixated on the phone — except here you’ve got a baby in tow and you’re not really looking at anything around you except your friend or phone, but never at your precious bae and never straight ahead. You do have that bulldozer.

stroller3

This is why The Stroller Mafia is dangerous. They are blindly running over people while they chat. As long as they are pushing that thing up and down curbs and hills, they are feeling in the zone and on a mission. That stroller protects the little b, so they can ignore the child — and everyone else except said walking companion, whether dog, other parent or friend. Well, GuRL, show some respect for your compatriots on the street.

You’ve truly got this down to a robotic science. I panic and stop because where do I go?!

The Stroller Mafia LOVE their kids so much they give them portable bedrooms. If two are young, they are rolling side to side, sidewalk to sidewalk. The other parent and all pets are allowed to walk beside in a nice red-rover row.

Keep being bad, beyatches. Own your space. I can respect that. It’s a thankless job. You deserve to be selfish.

But please, be kind to others who did not inflict this pain.

I’m patient, but I have no tolerance for bulldozers.

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