giaportfolio

Archive for the ‘Delayed Adulthood’ Category

mod-11414-moms

No offense to moms with babies and toddlers, but seriously, I think you are going to kill me.

I used to be more afraid of NYC bicycles than NYC taxis. Now I’ve realized that I have a whole new monster (momster?) to deal with: aggressive strollers.

While I had transported way before the crowd to Jersey City, and way before the intro of supersized suburban strollers and increasingly aggressive hyper moms, I now have to be afraid—very, very afraid.

stroller2

A typical encounter: The sidewalk is about 12 feet wide and I see you with a stroller of two and your friend with maybe one tot in the stroller and one on the hip and you have your dog and you still both manage to sip coffee and look at each other while walking. I am approaching, but cannot get around you without going into the street and facing oncoming traffic.

And I don’t want to interrupt your flow; that’s just rude.

It could be said this behavior is quite similar to people in text mode mindlessly walking down the street fixated on the phone — except here you’ve got a baby in tow and you’re not really looking at anything around you except your friend or phone, but never at your precious bae and never straight ahead. You do have that bulldozer.

stroller3

This is why The Stroller Mafia is dangerous. They are blindly running over people while they chat. As long as they are pushing that thing up and down curbs and hills, they are feeling in the zone and on a mission. That stroller protects the little b, so they can ignore the child — and everyone else except said walking companion, whether dog, other parent or friend. Well, GuRL, show some respect for your compatriots on the street.

You’ve truly got this down to a robotic science. I panic and stop because where do I go?!

The Stroller Mafia LOVE their kids so much they give them portable bedrooms. If two are young, they are rolling side to side, sidewalk to sidewalk. The other parent and all pets are allowed to walk beside in a nice red-rover row.

Keep being bad, beyatches. Own your space. I can respect that. It’s a thankless job. You deserve to be selfish.

But please, be kind to others who did not inflict this pain.

I’m patient, but I have no tolerance for bulldozers.

For more…

 

belushijpg

Some people get more tragic with age.

So many older boys I seriously crushed on in high school are seriously not hot now that they’re adults. Adding to inevitable hair-loss or weight gain or what have you, some guys never really grow up, acting like frat boys when they are 35+.

Age doesn’t favor many well in looks so why detract more from what already isn’t working for you? Part of growing up is, well, growing up. Those who actually do are far hotter than those that try to maintain their college personas.

I’m not sitting on a high horse — I’ve certainly lost swagger over the years — that’s part of ageing. Youth is something you cannot regain, whether through acting or dressing or going under the knife (and you shouldn’t!). Nothing truly gives you back the natural aura of youth.

But there is beauty with age that more people should embrace. You (should) gain new perspective and a higher level of emotional maturity. There’s value in that. And there’s also value in taking care of the body that houses your mind like healthy adults do. Strive to be beautiful on the inside; it will radiate outside tenfold.

ugly wedding

Let’s talk weddings, as well as the sharing of photos on social media. Some of the pictures are beautiful, yet many make me cringe. Bad hair, bad makeup, ugly bridesmaid dresses…and then venues that are generic and only face-lifted by flowers and lighting. The dance floor pictures are by far the worst.

It’s like prom (and I hate saying this, but): As elegant as you hoped to make your special day and for all of the time and money you spent in making it magical, the whole affair looks like it was trite and cheesy.

I guess I’m particular because I worked for Elegant Bride magazine in college, but I feel so sorry that Americans pay tons and tons of money for everything from the engagement up until the wedding ceremony, only to capture all of these “perfect” moments in photos that they will keep until the end of time… Because the photos look disingenuous. You’re better than that; your relationship deserves better than that.

How does one do it right, make their wedding authentic to their relationship? Personal, simple, elegant? Destination to keep it low-key and natural, while knowing that only the people you actually want to be there will arrive? Or grandoise and over-the-top because it’s the biggest day of your life and will (should) only happen once. If your party list is big (and even if it’s not, because a bride has so much to do), you probably won’t even get to speak to everyone you’ve invited (though yes, there will be more gifts).

I feel like if I was ever to get married, I would want it to be very much about love and not so focused on all of the formalities, including trying to impress people I don’t even care about. Perhaps I will wed at City Hall and then throw a big party. But the thought of making my friends wear those ugly dresses and a commercial DJ who can never get it right because s/he has to please people of all ages, and older people are typically giving bigger gifts… oh it’s all so dreadful. The only pretty part is the church (or other house of worship) ceremony and the outdoor pictures thereafter. Everything else is just dreadful, dreadful, dreadful.

Disclaimer: I have been to some fabulous weddings, but this is based on the many wedding pics that come up on my FB news feed, not those that I’ve attended. So close friends, do not worry—unless you think your wedding looked like a prom.

Wedding Etiquette

Real-Life Wedding Guests Who Did The Dress Code Right

Your 20s: The Wedding Years

Wedding Make-up and Photography in the Jersey City/NYC area.

The 5 Most Annoying Posts About Being Engaged

pretty.hair

I love girls. Because here’s the TRUTH: Girls are prettier than boys.

While I have no interest in making out with a female, I am the first to say a woman is gorgeous. It could be that she’s genetically blessed and/or well-groomed. Nota bene: Those things are tossed out the window if she has negative energy.

But certain ladies walk into a room and light it up. My mom is one of them and I completely aspire to have that radiance.

I recently discovered that I have an issue touching these lightbulb girls’ hair when partying. I love hair. I didn’t have a first word as a child, I had a first sentence: “My hair pretty.” Except that I had no hair. It didn’t grow until I was four. My mother taped a different bow/hairpiece to my bald head each day for nursery school, which would inevitably fall out and end up in my cubby once a teacher found them.

But now, even as a grown up girly girl, I’ve never had that va-va-voom hair which I’ve forever desired. And for the past 5 years, this hair won’t even hold a curl. Therefore, I love voluminous party hair.

Enter Katie Griffin, the most festive, fabulous, best-dresser great-haired girl, like, ever. I call her my adopted sister, as she lives with my bro on the UWS but also joins in on plenty of family holidays because a working gal just can’t travel to Michigan all of the time. Seriously, NYC is serious.

At our Spring Fling party, KG was the talk of the night (I found out the next day from the dudes who crashed). There was even a situation where one guy said he didn’t want to step on his friends toes and pursue her. And all I could think was like duh, KG is my girl crush! However, neither of us are lezzies.

So let the men battle it out.

And you go girl!

With your damn fabulous hair.

 

marriage-2

Would you stick to the same company, car, house, phone or computer for your entire life? What about your friends?

People grow and evolve and have different experiences, and things change over time: feelings, opinions. We don’t always grow together, so I refuse to wrap my head around the idea of marriage. It’s hard work. I cannot control another person, but have some control over my personal future. I believe in love, but I question marriage.

I’m not best friends with the same person I was 20 years ago. Why on earth would I be as madly in love with the same man 20 years from now?

sleepoverMy friend recently complained that she missed sleepovers. Hello! Just because we’re older doesn’t mean we can’t have them. Heck, my mother’s sisters threw a swanky sleepover party for her for her fiftieth birthday, no husbands allowed. Bachelorette parties are usually of this type…unless a girl in your crowd invites a guy for the night…but in those cases, most people are more about partying than anything else. Let’s go back to the real-deal sleepover, where you just want to pow-wow with your friends like you did in fifth grade, except now there’s alcohol involved and the games are more fun because you know so much more.

No special occasion needed to have one. Every gal needs a break from her SO or husband sometimes. We need the length of overnight to gossip about stupid stuff, to play silly games, to share secrets, to say things we’re afraid to admit outside of our circle…all things girl code, which, if men were around, we wouldn’t admit. And the best part is, men wouldn’t want to be around for this type of thing anyway, so it’s a win-win.

I’m not married and most of my friends and I are committed, but I can relate to this as my cousins and I have sleepovers a few times a year and no one brings their SO. Yes, this one is co-ed, but we are family and so it feels as if I’m just with my best friends or siblings. And since our parents aren’t around, after all of the fun and games and we sit down to talk, the truth comes out.

OMG. What?!

It’s still code, nothing leaves the room.

shock

One of my favorite feelings is having my lover safe, sound and sleeping in my bed.

It is not his favorite feeling. I have a single bed and my boyfriend has long protested that choice. I get it. A single bed is supposed to be for one person. But I sleep on the edge so he has most of the space…

And full disclosure: I own a beautiful carved wood antique bed from the 1800s with the best queen mattress and sheets, but it’s so gorgeous, it needs a showroom, and for now I’m keeping it in its humidified storage. (High maintenance inanimate object.)

But, something happened. I was working an event. My boyfriend helped set up everything, transporting furniture in his commercial van. He did not tell me that he had an extra surprise in there. A bed. A full size. The death of my sanctuary. Then it was suddenly moved into my room, right past me through the door, by my roommate (traitor) and bf and as I stood in protest. My mom witnessed and said I was being ridiculous.

But why? What if I like a single bed?

Am I not allowed to make my own decisions in my own bedroom in my own adult life? I own this bedroom, I share it with no one and if I prefer a single bed, I certainly am allowed to have it. I wasn’t just insulted, but defeated.

I’m coping with the full bed. It’s basically just as small and therefore not worth the drama it brought, but sometimes, you just love what you have and don’t want to change it.


Follow giaportfolio on WordPress.com
%d bloggers like this: