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Archive for the ‘Out & About’ Category

mod-11414-moms

No offense to moms with babies and toddlers, but seriously, I think you are going to kill me.

I used to be more afraid of NYC bicycles than NYC taxis. Now I’ve realized that I have a whole new monster (momster?) to deal with: aggressive strollers.

While I had transported way before the crowd to Jersey City, and way before the intro of supersized suburban strollers and increasingly aggressive hyper moms, I now have to be afraid—very, very afraid.

stroller2

A typical encounter: The sidewalk is about 12 feet wide and I see you with a stroller of two and your friend with maybe one tot in the stroller and one on the hip and you have your dog and you still both manage to sip coffee and look at each other while walking. I am approaching, but cannot get around you without going into the street and facing oncoming traffic.

And I don’t want to interrupt your flow; that’s just rude.

It could be said this behavior is quite similar to people in text mode mindlessly walking down the street fixated on the phone — except here you’ve got a baby in tow and you’re not really looking at anything around you except your friend or phone, but never at your precious bae and never straight ahead. You do have that bulldozer.

stroller3

This is why The Stroller Mafia is dangerous. They are blindly running over people while they chat. As long as they are pushing that thing up and down curbs and hills, they are feeling in the zone and on a mission. That stroller protects the little b, so they can ignore the child — and everyone else except said walking companion, whether dog, other parent or friend. Well, GuRL, show some respect for your compatriots on the street.

You’ve truly got this down to a robotic science. I panic and stop because where do I go?!

The Stroller Mafia LOVE their kids so much they give them portable bedrooms. If two are young, they are rolling side to side, sidewalk to sidewalk. The other parent and all pets are allowed to walk beside in a nice red-rover row.

Keep being bad, beyatches. Own your space. I can respect that. It’s a thankless job. You deserve to be selfish.

But please, be kind to others who did not inflict this pain.

I’m patient, but I have no tolerance for bulldozers.

For more…

 

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Saturday

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delayed adulthood

After reading a very poorly executed article my brother shared on “the book,” I decided to take the concept and create a better list. I kept a few tidbits, but essentially rewrote the entire thing.

I present to you the G version of “25 Signs You’re Not Ready To Settle Down”:

Click below to continue reading…

Read the rest of this entry »

B

There are certain times of year when it seems to be everyone’s birthday in my circle. I credit this to the fact that I am attracted to certain zodiac signs way more than others.

Hence, at these peak times of year, I am in a tizzy because I must decide whose Saturday night birthday party to attend (as everyone always wants to throw it on the Saturday closest to their actual Bday, hoping to have the best turnout).

It became necessary to develop a formula. When it’s hard to decide between friends, I ask myself: How much do I love said friend? Am I obligated (bestie, family)? Did this person attend my birthday party? Is it convenient to get to the party and worth me spending time and money? Will my frenemies be there and do I feel like dealing with them? And least of all for me but still important: Do I have anything to wear? (Everyone’s seen my clothes 1000 times. Time to hire a personal shopper since I hate shopping yet love acquiring new things.)

The factors that play into this choice are simple yet unpredictable to other parties involved and often mind-numblingly dull yet necessary to indecisive me.

Last weekend, I had to make a choice. I was able to hit up two birthday parties out of three involved, which I think is an achievement in itself for far-away places and different groups of friends. Stats for the one I skipped:

Friend? Check. Like him? Yes, but not obligated. My Bday party? No show. Hotel Chantelle? Too out of the way. Time & money well spent? No, he’ll be too wasted to remember I showed up…until someone posts pictures. Frenemies attending? Questionable. Anything to wear? Nope, bored with my closet.

It’s as simple as that, folks. Feel free to use my decision-making BDay formula to determine which parties will make you Happy.


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