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Archive for the ‘Pondering’ Category

man-pedicure

“I really need a mani-pedi today,” my boyfriend said on Sunday. It’s something I introduced him to that he now loves.

When we walked out of the salon his first time, he started skipping down the street saying “I feel like I’m walking on air! Look how clean my hands are!” This was exactly the response I’d expect from a manly man who finally submits to pampering. This man is a six-day-a-week hardwarian, a term he created for his 10-hour days as co-owner, operator and manager of his family hardware store, which involves a lot of dirt, grime and heavy lifting.

Most nail salons charge more for men than women. My nail specialist said it’s because there is more area to cover, but at the same time, I was thinking that my man is not getting polish, a base coat or top coat and needs no dry time, so doesn’t that equalize the p(l)aying field?

On the price difference, my boyfriend said, “That’s so sexist.” It is, right? Then I had another thought: Men make more than women for doing the same job in the work force, so perhaps they should pay more for their maintenance. Plus, women have a lot more maintenance practices than men, being that this is a man’s world and we are often objectified and defined by our looks above all else.

But then what about this? With the LGBTQIA community in mind, how is a salon to decide who is a man or a woman? What if I was born a man but identify myself as a woman? Which price will I be charged to get a mani-pedi?

I don’t get this country. At all. American citizens should pay the same prices for the same services, and we should be able to choose where we get those services. It’s one thing to offer a discount for a child, senior citizen or a veteran, but quite another to be charged based solely on gender (or paid solely on gender). That’s not cool.

There is still so much more work to be done.

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ugly wedding

Let’s talk weddings, as well as the sharing of photos on social media. Some of the pictures are beautiful, yet many make me cringe. Bad hair, bad makeup, ugly bridesmaid dresses…and then venues that are generic and only face-lifted by flowers and lighting. The dance floor pictures are by far the worst.

It’s like prom (and I hate saying this, but): As elegant as you hoped to make your special day and for all of the time and money you spent in making it magical, the whole affair looks like it was trite and cheesy.

I guess I’m particular because I worked for Elegant Bride magazine in college, but I feel so sorry that Americans pay tons and tons of money for everything from the engagement up until the wedding ceremony, only to capture all of these “perfect” moments in photos that they will keep until the end of time… Because the photos look disingenuous. You’re better than that; your relationship deserves better than that.

How does one do it right, make their wedding authentic to their relationship? Personal, simple, elegant? Destination to keep it low-key and natural, while knowing that only the people you actually want to be there will arrive? Or grandoise and over-the-top because it’s the biggest day of your life and will (should) only happen once. If your party list is big (and even if it’s not, because a bride has so much to do), you probably won’t even get to speak to everyone you’ve invited (though yes, there will be more gifts).

I feel like if I was ever to get married, I would want it to be very much about love and not so focused on all of the formalities, including trying to impress people I don’t even care about. Perhaps I will wed at City Hall and then throw a big party. But the thought of making my friends wear those ugly dresses and a commercial DJ who can never get it right because s/he has to please people of all ages, and older people are typically giving bigger gifts… oh it’s all so dreadful. The only pretty part is the church (or other house of worship) ceremony and the outdoor pictures thereafter. Everything else is just dreadful, dreadful, dreadful.

Disclaimer: I have been to some fabulous weddings, but this is based on the many wedding pics that come up on my FB news feed, not those that I’ve attended. So close friends, do not worry—unless you think your wedding looked like a prom.

Wedding Etiquette

Real-Life Wedding Guests Who Did The Dress Code Right

Your 20s: The Wedding Years

Wedding Make-up and Photography in the Jersey City/NYC area.

The 5 Most Annoying Posts About Being Engaged

marriage-2

Would you stick to the same company, car, house, phone or computer for your entire life? What about your friends?

People grow and evolve and have different experiences, and things change over time: feelings, opinions. We don’t always grow together, so I refuse to wrap my head around the idea of marriage. It’s hard work. I cannot control another person, but have some control over my personal future. I believe in love, but I question marriage.

I’m not best friends with the same person I was 20 years ago. Why on earth would I be as madly in love with the same man 20 years from now?

maskWhile we were alive,
We Died.

We Tried

Oh we tried
to be P-e-r-f-e-c-t

And look what we became?
Vacant

Spaces

of ourselves

Women
Not
Valued.

Insides vanished long ago

Now empty shells of peppery people.

Smile!

For the camera

giafriends

There are some girls in your life that are there for you through thick and thin. Those are the girls you should stick with. They laugh with you harder than anyone, but they let you cry; they listen. They put you before themselves when they know you truly need them.

I have been blessed with the most joyous gals in the world, but they weren’t easy to find. I will say, the strangest part about my closest friends is that, being older, we don’t talk all of the time, we see each other only once in a while, but when we get together, we pick up where we left off. We know each other better than anyone. We’re soul sisters. We can move to different cities and begin different lives, but if something’s wrong, we can sense it. Your best friends always ring you at the right times.

I’ve been through a lot of real shit in my life. (Who hasn’t?) But the realest thing about my obstacles were my girls (and once in a bit, boys) who were there.

Tags: , ,

A young mom recently said she wanted her son to have both “boy” and “girl” toys. At the time, I thought, What? But after mulling it over, is that really so strange in this day and age?

I dressed up my little brothers in female clothes. The boys (to me) were like real-life baby or Barbie (Ken?) dolls. Plus, they didn’t know any better. 😉

William LOVED the color purple when he was younger. He was also an extremely talented painter before sports took over his life. Piers loved Barbie, wearing my mom’s high heels, and was a witch every single Halloween until high school. That didn’t mean he was gay, not definitely, but did we even care?  No. My cousin of the same age grew up obsessed with Disney’s The Little Mermaid and also wore high heels. He came out of the closet as soon as he hit his teens, and my brother came out a few years later, in college.

HOWEVER, my second cousin, also obsessed in his younger years with his mom’s high heels, is straight. SO… let kids love what they love and don’t judge.

I think there’s nothing wrong with a boy having a female role model or getting in touch with his feminine side. Is there something wrong with me because I obsessively played 007 on N64 in middle school or because I tried to start a girls’ football team in high school? I think not. And, for the record, I happen to be the “girliest” girl I know.

It’s easy for people to define things in black and white, but even our races are so intermixed now. So boy/girl toys, games, books, and even colors should be out. Why are we “genderizing”?

No toy or game or sport (side note: my mom called ballet my sport before I got into “sports” ha! but isn’t football a lot like ballet? think about it…) will “make” your child more “masculine” or “feminine.” Children are born the way they are and attracted to certain leisurely things naturally, and no amount of “control” over their interests is going to change their natural essence when they grow up. So why even try to do that? Introduce them to everything you can so they learn to cultivate their own interests as innocently as possible.

Bottom line: Let kids be kids. Stop genderizing. And let toys be that—just toys.

 

IMAG5221So I was like, ugh my life is so messed up. I’ve been going through crazy tough times, and I was laughing with my mom on the phone yesterday (finally, I truly laughed) and she says this and says write it down, that’s good. As if she or I haven’t had another million one-liners that aren’t, but we don’t record ourselves, and, as I need any light I can right now, I did write it down. Anyhoo, ate Chinese tonight. Surprise! I ate…Chinese. I hate fortune cookies but I had to crack one in my desperate state, and it said this. English aside…should I take it as a sign of something great, or just use it as a reminder to stop beating myself up so much because I am only beating myself? I think I have a good shot at a full night’s sleep tonight.


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